i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
