All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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