you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
