Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
