I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
