I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm passing your future prison.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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