nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I want to be your penis for a week.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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