Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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