I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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