I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
