Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
