I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
