I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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