Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up under a house in Key West
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