i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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