I can tuck mytits in my pants
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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