First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
