I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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