Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
