Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
