tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
