the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
