Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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