Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
