I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if only i could text you this smell
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
