The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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