you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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