I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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