I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
