My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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