3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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