hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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