I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
