i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
