i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
