i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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