I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
