This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
