I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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