She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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