That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
