This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
