There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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