i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
