She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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