i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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