Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
