There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
