he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
