thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
