Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
