i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
