Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
