she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
