We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
