Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
