I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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