Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
