You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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