Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
