did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
