Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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