My liver just broke up with me...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
