I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
