I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
