i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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