He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
