I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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