I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
