I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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