The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
