i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
