a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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