So drunk its hurt
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
