No stitches, just platelets and will power
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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