get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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