I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
