so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
