I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This is my gift to your gina
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
